Bibbity-Bobbity-Booooooo!

So, i was late for Halloween... Again.

But I'm also very, very early for New Year's. Allow me to explain.

One of my resolutions was to be more dedicated to my blog.

I will try (and most likely fail, because i suck at life) to post a new blog every week.

We'll see how that goes.

Anyway, the idea for this particular blog hit me when i was not doing my homework.

Everyone thinks that living in Germany means everything is a fairy tale, and that you're never more than five minutes away from a castle at all times. Whereas that second part may be true, woodland creatures don't do my chores for me and my hair sure as h*ck doesn't defy gravity.

(Freakin' Pocahontas)

In fact, there are a lot of downsides to living in Europe!

A few:

Power outlets.

The plug In's here only have two holes and don't fit anything American. Also, you have to get the right adapter and make sure you know what you're doing. Otherwise the toaster will light up like a birthday candle while your mom's in the shower.

Wifi.

It almost never works. And guys, i am 14 with a serious Internet addiction.

I rely on wifi more than i rely on - oh, i dunno - air? On top of our already crappy connection, my room is the worst. I get one bar, on a good day. Do you have any idea how aggravating it is to be trying to listen to a song on iTunes radio just to hear "When i -STOP- was a young -STOP- boy -STOP-" ?** Netflix won't even load. how am i supposed to watch superwholock?

The plumbing.

You have to take a pick axe into the shower with you. There are stalactites growing down from the shower head. I wake up to minecraft every morning. And as a side note, there is no handle on the toilet. There's a panel. On the wall. That ain't right.

Shopping.

Now unless we are shopping for

(A) Books

(B) Music,  or

(C) Coffee,

I'm not too thrilled anyways. But even i know that these German sizes are whacked out. I wear a size 946 shirt and -13 jeans. Somehow my shoes are size triangle. Okie-dokie-then.

Now, i could handle all of this. I really could. I'm pretty easy going.

But then the devil himself broke through the earth's crust driving a go-cart that looks like a sloth and whispered in a french accent, "But why not more?"

VPN.

The go-cart devils own child. Tell me, human, have you ever clicked on pandora radio, hoping to listen to some good music, because the radio here is crap, and seen the words "Sorry, but pandora is not available in this country."

adbhfdbhuksdbfhdbvuasfbvhjsfbvhudfv

......................................

WHHYYYYYYY?!

this is a semi-free country! I want to listen to my music! WHY ARE YOU NOT AVAILABLE?!

I can only think of three reasons that this would be okay.

1. An army of tiny penguins is marching across the German countryside looking to devour all who listen to pandora.

2. There is a rip in the fabric of space and time and if anyone listen to pandora the Daleks will invade.

3. The Germans are trying to defend themselves from Justin Bieber music.

But still! Netflix is almost as bad as pandora. There are two versions of Netflix that we can use, German and American. For American Netflix, you need to be connected to VPN, same as pandora. But there is no German pandora. All they have is American 80's disco-pop playing in between polka songs on the local stations. I'm not being stereotypical, that's all they play. I don't know why footloose was playing on the German station at 4 in the morning, but it was.

As for Netflix, the German one has four seasons of the walking dead. American has five. That is all you need to know.

VPN basically tricks your device into thinking you're in America. New York, to be exact. Good, right?

Wrong.

Only one device can connect to VPN at a time. Which means:

"Mom, are you using VPN?"

"Yeah, give me a minute."

*95173013589 minutes later*

"You can get on now."

"Thanks!"

*Ipad* lol nope.

"Mom?"

"Not me."

*Giggling* 

"Shelby!!"

Yeah, that's what it means.

So Germany has it's downsides, just like anywhere else. Like German McDonald's. 'Nuff said.

But Germany is pretty great! I'll hopefully have another blog out next Saturday, and in between now and then a really late Halloween blog. (I wrote it last year)

Welcome to my world.

** Welcome to the black parade, My chemical romance.